What do you do when you can’t start?

The article talks about ways to solve procrastination, and the reasons for procrastination, which may be due to old relationships or from the person’s thoughts or from the world around him.

What do you do when you can't start?
What do you do when you can’t start?

What do you do when you can’t start?

The article talks about ways to solve the delay, and the reasons for the postponement, which may be due to old relationships or from the person’s thoughts or from the world around him

Main highlights:

If you are having a hard time getting motivated to do something, you are not alone; It may be due to a slight procrastination, but not always .

The inability to start often stems from the stories we tell ourselves, about who we are and what we are capable of, which are often inaccurate .

You can learn to explore and review the stories you tell yourself

want to do some exercise; Go for a run, take a yoga class, or even go outside for a short walk. The weather is nice and you’ll feel so much better, but you just don’t find yourself moving!

you can’t start

You want to call your grandma who lives completely alone, and loves to hear your voice, now would be a good time, you have a few free minutes and you know you’ll feel good doing it, but you can’t make yourself pick up the phone and call

It would be great to get started on this project, a project that you really want to do, but you feel it’s hard to push yourself to get it done.

We often call all these difficulties procrastination, and this is certainly part but not all of what happens. You may have read many self-development books and articles that focus on how to stop procrastinating. Many of the suggestions in them are very helpful, but sometimes they just don’t work. These suggestions, including my advice to focus on small steps.

but why?

As a therapist, this is the question that interests me the most. Why can’t you do it?

I’ve been thinking about this question throughout the Corona pandemic, as clients and friends talked about all kinds of possible projects to keep them busy while living, working and playing at home. Anger and annoyance at their inability to start. & you can’t start

“I should have been more energetic and more determined” is a phrase I hear over and over, but sometimes it may not be possible to say I will go ahead and start without understanding why you are avoiding, understanding why you are resisting can make your behaviors a little easier, to find out what your behaviors mean, look for stories You tell yourself about these things, you may not realize it, but you tell yourself stories about yourself all day long.

We all have what we call storytelling, which is to put our lives and behaviors in context. These stories tell us who we are, what we will be, what we can and cannot do and why?” “Our stories can give us hope, they can motivate us, they can keep us stuck,” adds Beryl. If you’re having trouble getting started on something, ask yourself: What do you think will happen before, during, and after? The answers are your stories, often explaining what is stopping you. you can’t start

” These stories may be from your past, and they may also be stories you have gained from the world around you. Sometimes you ask yourself if you think these messages can change a story or remove resistance.

For example, my colleague Kimberly Grocher, a psychologist, yoga teacher, and lecturer at Columbia University’s School of Social Work, is conducting research on black women interested in practicing yoga. She told me that many of the women she met want to try yoga, but don’t see themselves represented in the marketing and advertising about yoga, so there’s an implicit message that it’s not for them, but when the story is changed to “My body is able to do yoga in a way that works for my body” they can find They have classes and teachers who welcome and support their practice.

you can’t start

The guy who wanted to exercise regularly and didn’t go to the gym, and when I asked him to tell me what he imagined would happen when he was at the gym he said, “I’m going to be very tired after half an hour, at least for the first few days.” I told him if you don’t exercise for an hour and a half full; You can stay at home, too. This is the story you tell yourself Do you know where it comes from?

It was a while ago when he was shy and annoyed with his body, and believed messages that he had to look a certain way to find a wife or even a job. Now that he is a successful businessman with a wife who loves and respects him, he realizes that the old story is still running in his head, but he doesn’t believe it anymore.

From this perspective, he realized that he wanted to go to the gym to be healthy and to be able to enjoy his job and his family. He told me, “As soon as I realized this, I looked for ways to keep myself healthy, and I discovered that exercising regularly forty-five minutes or even half an hour could help. protect my health.” He has been exercising regularly since then.

The woman who wants to change her job but can’t start working on her resume told me, “I know I have great degrees and qualifications, but I can’t sit at the computer writing them.” When I asked her to talk about what she imagined would happen, we discovered that behind her confidence there was an old story that she wouldn’t be good enough for the job she wanted, no matter what she said on her resume. If I don’t get the first job I apply for.”

A woman who couldn’t call her grandmother worried that her grandmother would feel sad when the call ended, she said, “I know it’s ridiculous, but I imagine her sitting there talking to me and then looking lost and alone when I say goodbye.” I encouraged her to ask her parents and siblings if they had the same story, if so, they as a family might want to think about how to help their grandmother feel less alone, but she was surprised when they told her that her grandmother was always happy after their conversation, and that she often called someone Family members to share their beautiful feelings with them.

you can’t start

Ask yourself what you imagine will happen when you do everything you avoid. Remember that stories may come from old family relationships or from yourself or the world around you, and once they are brought up in public, you can ask yourself if there is another way to think about the situation. Different with connecting it to a different story is what you need to start

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you can’t start

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